


Cold Water

by taeminki



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-16 22:23:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16503869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeminki/pseuds/taeminki
Summary: Yuchan just wanted to understand Donghun, for the most part.





	Cold Water

**Author's Note:**

> this is based on an article I saw about cheating. it basically said _if your partner cheats, don't throw the relationship away immediately, and maybe not at all -- talk it out, work it out, because it happens_ , etc., and I always had such a strong opinion about _if you cheat you're trash_ but I genuinely wanted to understand, like, in what scenario cheating could be addressed calmly and that's why this fic was born
> 
>  **warning** : cheating

Yuchan's muddled mind was the only thing keeping him trapped in the hallway.

If it weren't for three small details, Yuchan wouldn't still be between Donghun's arms. If it weren't for Yuchan's thought of _he's been with me for **five years**_ ; if it weren't for Junhee's shocked expression; if it weren't for Donghun's desperate tears; if it weren't for these confusing facets-- three things that just didn't seem to fit with any of the other dots, Yuchan would be long gone.

However, just because the picture was confusing didn't mean Yuchan wanted to remain in it. He would actually rather not explore it-- so he tried his hand at pushing Donghun away, but Donghun begged again, " _Please_ ," and the confusing parts kept Yuchan anchored to the spot for a moment more. _That's_  what they did; they were the pull that kept telling Yuchan _not_  to leave, but he _wanted_  to. So he tried again.

"Yuchan--" Junhee crept out of the bedroom, too, and Yuchan was past what he could call _uncomfortable_. He turned away from Junhee immediately, and started to speak, his voice stuttered by anxiety, "I-- Donghun-- get away from me--"

"No. Baby. Talk to me -- _please_ ," Donghun whimpered. It was almost pathetic, Yuchan thought; and he took a quick, but deep, breath, "Donghun, I don't want to be here."

"Donghun," Junhee said softly-- a command, Yuchan noticed. In shock, he watched as Donghun's arms fell, and he stepped back. Yuchan couldn't believe Donghun would listen to Junhee, and not to him. He couldn't believe, after so many years, after so many _I love you more than anything_ 's, Donghun would do this -- or anything like it. Yuchan stared, incredulously, at the two of them for another anchored moment, before turning on his heel and running out of the apartment.

He went to Byeongkwan. He knew he could rely on Byeongkwan. He crashed into Sehyoon's arms first, crying against him without a care that it hadn't been Byeongkwan who answered his own door. Byeongkwan came to him, then, and they both held and comforted him as he cried about-- "Donghun cheated on me! He cheated on me with _Junhee_ \--"

"With Jun--?" Byeongkwan asked, taking a peek at Sehyoon, who worked his bottom lip between his teeth. Yuchan couldn't quite interpret the tense silence that came over them, but it went as quickly as it came, so he didn't mull over it.

Byeongkwan took Yuchan solely into his arms, and asked, "What are you going to do?"

Yuchan had no idea; he voiced this in such a way that indicated he was open to suggestion. He didn't mean to turn particularly to Sehyoon, except he'd had experience with cheating-- had been cheated on once before. It left him a bit messed up-- having trust issues that Byeongkwan was just recently able to overcome. Yuchan didn't mean to re-open that wound for Sehyoon, but he couldn't control the language of his gaze.

Sehyoon didn't mind. He offered Yuchan a sad smile, and squeezed a hand over his shoulder, "I don't... really know what to say. How you handle this is up to you, Chan. But I think-- whatever decision you make will be the right one."

 _Whatever decision you make will be the right one_. Yuchan tried to imagine what Sehyoon meant.

He didn't ask. It was late, and Byeongkwan gently brought up the fact that their guest room was clean and ready for him-- there for him as long as he needed. Yuchan mentioned he might just take the night to sleep on it and decide what he was going to do; and Byeongkwan and Sehyoon both told him that was a great idea.

As Yuchan was preparing for bed-- slowly washing his face clean of the day's emotions-- he thought about what Sehyoon said. _Whatever decision you make will be the right one_. Did he think Yuchan would be okay whether he decided to forgive Donghun or not? Yuchan couldn't imagine why Sehyoon would think that. One option _must_  hurt more than the other, right? But that didn't necessarily mean Yuchan wouldn't be _okay_ ; that just meant one option would be harder than the other.

He recalled the look on Sehyoon's face-- the discomfort as _cheating_  was brought up. He remembered what Sehyoon did; he broke up with her right away, left her without a second thought. He remembered how heartbroken Sehyoon was--but he ended up with Byeongkwan a few years later, and he couldn't be happier in that aspect of his life.

But Donghun wasn't to Yuchan what Sehyoon's first girlfriend was; Donghun was to Yuchan what _Byeongkwan_  was to Sehyoon. It only made the decision that much harder. Yuchan already had the best--it wouldn't be fair of him to love someone else if he always loved Donghun more.

 _Always loved Donghun more_.... Yuchan couldn't speak for the future; he could only speak for the present, and the past. He _had_  to sleep on this.

Yuchan rushed to bed, and kept in mind to-- carefully-- ask Sehyoon how he'd felt about his first girlfriend when morning came.

 

 

 

Yuchan's dream ranked the three most confusing parts of the picture in order: Donghun cheated on him after _five years_ ; Donghun had done it with _Junhee_ ; Donghun cried immediately after he was caught.

Yuchan could understand the tears on his own: Donghun was emotional and guilty. Yuchan wouldn't doubt for a second that Donghun loved him, and genuinely, which is why Yuchan couldn't _believe_  Donghun had _cheated on him_. Yuchan woke up legitimately wondering if the entire thing had been a dream, but he didn't wake up in his bed, with Donghun by his side, and he knew it was real.

Yuchan could _almost_  understand why Donghun had cheated on him with Junhee. Junhee was his first love, and his best friend through all these years. Even after being together for two years, and mutually breaking it off, they were inseparable. Why after all these years, though? That was the part Yuchan just couldn't work out.

There was a period of three _years_  after their break-up in which Donghun didn't even _know_  Yuchan, and could have fallen in love with Junhee all over again. There was a two-year gap between both of them meeting Yuchan and Donghun finally asking Yuchan to be his-- so why, after ten years, did Donghun suddenly fall in love with Junhee again?

\--And if he wasn't in love, what made him do it?

Yuchan's thoughts had taken up twenty minutes of his time spent awake. Byeongkwan interrupted his time and his thoughts by popping his head in and gently asking, "You're awake?" and Yuchan didn't want to respond, finding his body-- and his heart-- heavy with emotion and confusion. He knew better than to shut down, though-- at least in light of Byeongkwan's company, so he muttered, "Yes."

"Do you want breakfast?"

"Yes."

Yuchan followed Byeongkwan to the kitchen. Sehyoon was already waiting, and had already started eating his cereal. The milk was out on the counter, as well as Yuchan's favorite cereal-- and a bowl for him, and a spoon next to it, resting on a folded napkin. A smile played at Yuchan's lips. Byeongkwan pulled his breakfast from the toaster and spread butter and jam over it as Yuchan was pouring his cereal.

"Good morning." Sehyoon said when Yuchan sat down next to him. Yuchan smiled, and took a small bite of his cereal.

"Have you decided what you're going to do?" Byeongkwan asked, joining them at the table after taking the extra moment to put the toaster away. Sleeping on it _had_  helped; though Yuchan hadn't had doubts about that the night before. His decision didn't bring him any surprise, either-- "I think I will go talk to him," because that's what he'd wanted to do before he fell asleep. That's what he'd wanted to do before he even left his apartment, but his heart and his mind had been racing far too much for true or fair discussion.

"We'll be here if you need us." Byeongkwan said, reaching over to touch Yuchan's hand for a gentle moment. Yuchan tried to assure his okay-ness with a smile, but he wasn't fooling Byeongkwan or Sehyoon. There were still nerves behind his smile, and a shake about his pupils. Sehyoon reached over to assure him, too-- silent, but a touch was all Yuchan needed from Sehyoon (a man of action over words as it was).

Yuchan thought about asking that question-- _did you feel as strongly about your girlfriend as you do about Byeongkwan--or did you **think**  you did, when you loved her?_ but he decided against it. What Sehyoon felt wasn't going to help him; because Sehyoon was Sehyoon and Yuchan was Yuchan and Sehyoon and his girlfriend were a different story than Yuchan and Donghun entirely, and it didn't matter what Sehyoon felt because there was no way Yuchan's feelings were the same. It didn't matter how much or how little someone loved someone else; because _everyone_  was bound to react differently to _any_  situation. Sehyoon could have loved his girlfriend more than anything-- more than Byeongkwan-- but she broke his trust, and trust was something he held closest to his heart. He didn't believe trust could be built again. Yuchan had hope that it could-- at least with Donghun.

 _What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore, though?_ Yuchan needed to talk to Donghun quickly, if it meant clearing his head of these pestering thoughts. Yuchan had his doubts, the more he sat there; he wasn't sure if he _could_  do this, but he could _try_ ; and he had Sehyoon and Byeongkwan to fall back on. He would be fine; but he _had_  to try, first.

 

 

 

 

 

Donghun hadn't slept.

The fact was immediately clear to Yuchan, as he carefully checked the lock of his and Donghun's apartment. He hadn't bothered to take his keys with him the night before-- hell, he didn't even have his _phone_ , just his wallet and his heavy emotions. He was relieved to find the apartment unlocked, albeit worried that Donghun was too vulnerable as he slept. He felt slightly better that Donghun wasn't asleep, but slightly worse because it was obvious he _hadn't_  slept; and his thought process was all over the place.

Yuchan only noticed a few things-- that Donghun was sitting on the couch, with his head stooped low, and two phones in front of him-- before Donghun was up, and blocking his view, and carefully coming toward him, like Yuchan would bolt if he got too close too quickly.

"Chan?" Donghun asked.

Yuchan realized he had no idea what he was going to say. He had no idea where to _begin_  to work this out. He was quick on his feet; and he remembered his doubts the night before, and he started with a question-- with the most confusing part that he could recall-- "Why would you cheat on me after _five years?_ "

Donghun could only stare at Yuchan, seeming so taken back by the question. Yuchan supposed the way he phrased it could bring some confusion, so he tried to clear things up, "I was-- so confused, last night, why you would cheat on me with _Junhee_ after _so long_ and then _cry to me_ about it, but I could work out why you were crying and _maybe_  why you cheated on me with _Junhee_  on my own. Correct me if I'm wrong but... you still love me, right?"

"Yes," Donghun choked out--no hesitation, and a sense of relief flooded Yuchan. He suddenly felt weaker, though; his voice wasn't made of so much conviction as he said, "I... I think you must still love Junhee too, right? You still feel _something_  for him... and that's why it was Junhee, right?"

"I--" Donghun hesitated, and then he nodded. That's what Yuchan thought, "But the one thing I couldn't figure out was... why after so long? Why... if you still love Junhee, why didn't you love him before you met me? Or at the beginning, when we weren't together? I don't understand."

"I don't love Junhee. I _don't_. I used to love him--" Donghun paused, "It was... sentiment, maybe? We were talking, and drinking wine together, and it felt so much like old times that we both just... reverted back to sixteen, when we were _stupid_  and imagining what it was like to get drunk.... We both made a move and we didn't think to stop ourselves--or each other."

"And that's all it took? Some wine and some sentiment?" Yuchan asked. Donghun glanced away, "It wasn't-- _no_ , Yuchan, it was... the fact that we _both_  leaned in and the fact that he's-- he's leaving, and...."

"He's leaving?" Yuchan asked. Donghun nodded, "He's going to North America-- California, I think. He's moving out there--maybe for forever, and he came to say goodbye, and some _stupid_  thoughts went through our heads because-- well, because we're not going to see each other very much-- not in the same room.

"Life is pulling us apart and we-- we wanted to be together again, just for a night. We missed when we were young and stupid and I-- _shouldn't_  have, but I stopped thinking about you for a while."

Yuchan didn't know how to feel. He could almost understand it. It was like the end of an era, for Donghun and Junhee. They had been together their whole lives, and suddenly Junhee was moving to a new country. He could understand more of Junhee's emotions, he thought; he was going to such an unfamiliar place, and he wanted a taste of familiarity before he left. And then he could understand Donghun, who had _always_  been there for Junhee, _always_  the one to make him feel better. He could imagine, when Junhee leaned in for his taste, that Donghun didn't have a second thought--because it was comfort, for Junhee.

Yuchan wouldn't leave all of this to assumption. He _would_  bring it up later, and make sure he had read the situation right. Hell, he might even check with Junhee, just to get the full story; but, first, Yuchan asked, "And... you're sure you still love me?" hating that he sounded so insecure. He was looking at his nails, picking at them nervously; though he looked up when the question was out. Donghun nodded again, face twisted in pain. Yuchan nodded, and asked, "Enough to-- build trust with me again?"

Donghun's face changed-- a drop of his jaw and a lift of his eyebrows. Shock. He nodded, and awaited Yuchan's response. Yuchan nodded, too, "Then... okay. Let's--work on this."

Donghun dove into Yuchan's arms, anchoring his hold against Yuchan's waist. He cried, again-- dampening Yuchan's shoulder and whimpering softly about how much he loved Yuchan, and how hard he would work so that Yuchan could comfortably trust and love him again. Yuchan wanted to mention that he hadn't stopped loving Donghun for a second, but thought he could let Donghun think it for now--use it as a bit of leverage so neither of them forgot about this too quickly. Nothing would get solved if it was pushed off to the side.

 

 

 

 

 

Yuchan liked to think of himself as a brave person. He wasn't confrontational, necessarily, but he wasn't _afraid_  of confrontation, either. He was particularly good at facing a situation as long as he had time to work out his emotions. He was good in emergencies, because he didn't panic. He could think on his feet. He just needed a _minute_ , that's all.

But when it came to talking to Junhee, like he wanted to, he fell victim to cowardice. He couldn't bring himself to go to Junhee's apartment, or invite him over. His hands were shaking around his phone as he made to call Junhee -- because that's all he could think to do. He had questions because he wanted to understand the situation; but he was so nervous to ask them, and so... afraid, he supposed, of the awkwardness that could come with calling Junhee. He was good friends with Junhee -- decent, at least. Why was he so nervous?

Yuchan pressed his phone to his ear before he could overthink. He twisted Byeongkwan's bed sheets in his hand, and wanted to laugh at himself. He couldn't even call from home. He couldn't let Donghun know he was calling Junhee. He was a coward.

"Hello?" Junhee said, but it was a careful and calculated greeting. Yuchan said it back, "Hi, Junhee."

"Yuchan," Junhee said softly. Yuchan didn't know what to say next. He didn't want to jump into a question like he had with Donghun, but he didn't know what else to say. He felt too awkward to talk casually, and build up to that conversation. He was failing to think on his feet; he was silent for too long. Junhee coughed to fill it, and asked, "What-- uh-- what's up?"

Yuchan didn't know.

"Do you want to talk about Donghun?" Junhee suggested-- slowly, and so unsure of himself. Junhee was _never_  unsure of himself. It made Yuchan feel a little better, thinking he wasn't the only one having a strong reaction to the situation. He wasn't the only one who couldn't be himself in this light.

"I do." Yuchan admitted. He wasn't going to get his answers like this -- walking on ice, too careful. He took a dangerous step, and had no idea what was going to happen, "I just... wanted to understand the situation better. Donghun already told me but... what happened?"

The silence killed Yuchan for a moment. He felt the ice cracking beneath his feet, and he prepared himself to be dunked in freezing water. Junhee held a hand out to him, and pulled him from the cracking area-- "Yuchan, to be completely honest, it was -- mostly my fault. I brought wine to your place to celebrate this offer I got to study and work in North America. I knew you weren't there, too. I knew I was going to do something stupid."

"Did you... _want_  to--?"

"I didn't want to hurt you, Yuchan, but I wanted Donghun back. Just for a minute." Junhee had started to cry, "It was selfish of me. I know it was. I shouldn't have betrayed you like that, and I shouldn't have played with Donghun's feelings like that. I-- Yuchan, I'm so sorry."

"I forgave Donghun," Yuchan thought he should say, "I mean -- I'm trying to. I... want to try to forgive you, too."

"I'm leaving next weekend." Junhee said softly, after a moment. Another moment paused their conversation, and Junhee asked-- again, with slow, calculated precision, "Do you want to... I don't know. Come over, one night? Get dinner? I know you must be _so_  angry at me--"

"But if I'm forgiving Donghun, I can forgive you, too. You're my friend, too." Yuchan said. He traced the sheets in front of him, and thought he didn't really want to see Junhee anytime soon, but thought he might miss the opportunity to continue their friendship smoothly-- or, at the very least, end it on a good note. Junhee was leaving, after all. As bad as it may be to think; Yuchan wouldn't have to see him again. One more week, that's all. One more week and then Junhee was gone -- and Yuchan hated that he was considering looking forward to it.

"Let's get dinner." Yuchan said, "Maybe tomorrow night."

"I can pick you up," Junhee said.

"Or Donghun could drop me off." Yuchan said.

"Okay," Junhee's voice was quieter, "Let me know when."

"Six." Yuchan decided right away, and Junhee agreed, "I'll see you tomorrow then, Yuchan."

"Yeah -- of course."

Yuchan left his phone in the bedroom, numbly walking into the kitchen for a bottle of water. He passed the living room-- passed between Sehyoon and Byeongkwan and the movie they were watching. He hardly noticed, and jumped when Byeongkwan was next to him all of a sudden, comforting a hand over his shoulder.

"What did Junhee say that has you so spooked?" Byeongkwan teased. Yuchan couldn't laugh, and shrugged, "He blamed himself -- for the most part. He didn't dismiss Donghun, but... I don't know. I don't know who to be angry at, if I _should_  be angry at all."

"It's not whether or not you _should_  be, Yuchan. It's more... whether or not your anger is justified. I think it is. Donghun and Junhee _know_  it is. It's up to you how you handle your anger, though." Byeongkwan said. He squeezed Yuchan's shoulder, "I think you're handling it well."

"I don't think I'm expressing anger at all."

"I think you don't know how to yet." Byeongkwan said, "Not-- in this case, anyway. It's alright. You'll figure it out."

"Junhee is leaving in a week."

"And he's always going to be a phone call or an angry e-mail away," Byeongkwan said, finally bringing a smile to Yuchan's face. Yuchan liked the idea, that Junhee would be unreachable; and he hated that the thought was pleasing. What did he think, really? Did he think Junhee being gone would solve everything? Did he think Junhee being gone would mean Donghun would never cheat on him again? Did he think Donghun would ever do it again?

 _Did_  he think Donghun would ever do it again?

 

 

 

 

 

Nothing changed when Junhee left, except Donghun was upset and he clung to Yuchan for support.

"I'm sorry," Donghun muttered against Yuchan's chest. They were laying together, and Yuchan was playing with his hair, and comforting him, and Donghun had his hands tucked under Yuchan's waist. Donghun lay his chin on Yuchan's chest for a moment, turned his head to the side a moment later, "I'm sorry for crying."

"Why?" Yuchan asked, comforting his fingers through Donghun's hair, "Your best friend left. I'd be worried if you _didn't_  cry."

"I love you, though." Donghun muttered. Yuchan's eyebrows stooped, "What does that have to do with Junhee leaving?"

Donghun didn't have an answer. Yuchan tried not to think about it; the idea that Donghun's words implied wouldn't sit well with him, and he'd been trying hard not to snap. He'd missed the chance to express his anger properly, and at this point it would seem like unnecessary backlash and Yuchan didn't want to dump that on Donghun -- and Junhee wasn't around anymore, but Yuchan wouldn't have wanted to dump it on _him_ , either.

He had a chance to be angry at Junhee. He had a chance to tell Junhee _exactly_  how he felt -- but he supposed he didn't really have enough time to know _exactly_  how he felt before the two were having dinner together, awkwardly talking about everything they were planning to do in the near future. Junhee asked if Yuchan's studies were going well; and Yuchan asked if Junhee was going to continue studying psychology in America. Donghun didn't come up once.

Yuchan still didn't really know how he felt. He was relieved, because nothing much had changed between him and Donghun -- except Donghun treated him a little like glass and usually followed his command when it came to a lot of little things, but Yuchan would actively try to steer Donghun from doing that. He _would_ , except he kind of liked the leverage-- kind of wanted it there, so neither of them forgot before he could forgive.

He asked Byeongkwan if he was taking too long to forgive. Byeongkwan said it would take a while, and to give himself time. Donghun was giving him time. Junhee was giving him time. He had _time_.

(He didn't necessarily want it, though. He wanted to hurry and forgive, and forget, because thinking about the fact that Donghun _cheated on him_  made his emotions bubble, and he hated bottling up his feelings, and he wished they would go away. He wished he could forget. He had to forgive first. Forgive first, forget later. Heal together. _Fix it_.)

 

 

 

 

 

Yuchan loved Donghun _because_  nothing changed. He loved Donghun for all those reasons he initially loved Donghun for. He loved that Donghun worked hard, and valued mornings spent together. He loved that Donghun let him pick the movies. He loved that Donghun always had a snack before bed, and split it with Yuchan. He loved that Donghun vacuumed the couch when he vacuumed the floors. He loved that Donghun watched yoga videos to motivate himself to try it out one day. He loved that Donghun always considered Yuchan when he made decisions. He loved Donghun.

He loved him enough to forgive him.

The hard part was forgetting. He forgave Donghun, and he forgave Junhee, and he needed to _forget_ , but that was _so_  difficult. Yuchan had been peeking into Sehyoon and Byeongkwan's apartment almost daily to get away from Donghun for a minute, because looking at Donghun made him think about cheating and he hated that. He needed a break--for just one moment, he needed a break.

It was 16:21 on a Sunday afternoon, and he hadn't had his break.

He called Byeongkwan, and asked if he was busy. He wasn't. He asked if Byeongkwan or Sehyoon would mind if he dropped by their apartment _again_ , as if it wasn't practically clockwork by now. Byeongkwan told him he was always welcome, even if they weren't there; that's why he had a key to their place. Yuchan grabbed his wallet, his keys, and was stopped at the door by Donghun, who had a bowl of popcorn and a frown.

"Where are you going?" he asked, putting a few kernels in his mouth, "I thought you weren't busy today."

"I just want to go see Byeongkwan for a minute." Yuchan said. He reached for the knob, but Donghun stopped him--gently. He stopped him by placing their palms together, and lacing their fingers through one another's, and holding his hand so his hand couldn't open the door.

"Baby, you leave every day-- can't you spend a day with me anymore?" Donghun asked. Yuchan felt his anger bubble, and tried not to lose it. He took a step away from the door, and slowly began to remember how Donghun kept him from leaving that day-- how he wouldn't listen to Yuchan, but he would listen to Junhee. It hurt to think about, and Yuchan didn't want to think.

"I just want to hang out with Byeongkwan for a little while, hyung." Yuchan said impatiently. Donghun stepped away from the door for a moment-- only to slide his bowl onto the table. Then, he could cross his arms, and lean his back against the door again-- still blocking Yuchan from leaving. Donghun's eyebrows were stooped; he was upset-- "You've been spending far more time with Byeongkwan and Sehyoon than you have with me recently, Yuchan. What's going on?"

Yuchan bit his tongue against an unfair comment, and wondered, "Is there something wrong with hanging out with my friends, hyung?"

"Is there something wrong with spending time with _me_ , Yuchan?"

"I just want to hang out with Byeongkwan." Yuchan said, "I just-- need a _minute_  to hang out with my friends, is that too much to ask?"

"Every _single_  day, Yuchan?" Donghun asked, "What's so good at their place that makes you want to leave me?"

Yuchan lost all rationality of mind, his anger bubbling up all at once-- "Hyung, are you _seriously_  getting jealous because I'm going over to my best friend's place? You _cheated_ on me-- and _you're_  jealous?"

Donghun stumbled for a minute, "Yuchan, I-- _baby_ , come _on_. How long are you going to hold onto that?"

"As long as I keep thinking about it!" after another breath, Yuchan was calmer-- defeated, almost, as his shoulders fell and his tears fell, and the crack of his voice faded into a whisper, "I-- I can't stop thinking about it."

"I know." Donghun muttered softly. He opened his arms for Yuchan, and pulled him in, "I know."

Donghun let Yuchan cry against his shoulder. He let Yuchan curl up helplessly against his chest, with his arms hanging loosely around his neck. He rubbed Yuchan's back, rocking him on his heels. He shed a few tears himself, and kept telling Yuchan "I know, and I'm sorry-- I _know_ , I know, I'm _so_  sorry," until all the words blended and Yuchan could barely hear him talking anymore. He only heard soft mumbles and whispers. A shiver down Yuchan's back broke them apart; he relaxed, and apologized.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. You're right." Donghun said. He held Yuchan's hands, and kissed each set of knuckles. Yuchan disagreed, "I'm not right to be so angry, though. Hyung-- I'm sorry, really. I just... _can't_  forget. I _want to_."

"I don't think you're supposed to forget something like that, baby." Donghun said. He tucked his hands over Yuchan's hips, and kissed near the tears on his left cheek, "You've done what you can, and that's to forgive me, and Junhee. Other than that, Yuchan-- there's no _forgetting_  when someone betrays your trust.... I know you want to. I want to, too. I'm sorry."

"And I forgive you. I _do_." Yuchan said. "I just... can't forget."

"I can't either." Donghun said, and laughed a bit, "And that sucks, you know? But-- I deserve it. I deserve it for hurting you. And I deserve to know that you'll always remember and you'll always hurt because of it. I just -- hate that you do. I hate that I did that to you."

"Hyung--" Yuchan started. His phone vibrated his pocket, and he jumped at the sudden feeling of it. He reached for it, and saw Byeongkwan on his screen. He told Donghun, "Byeongkwan's calling me," in a mumble, and took a few steps away to answer it. He tried to clear his voice, "Hello?" except Byeongkwan didn't fall for that, and asked, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Yuchan muttered. Byeongkwan hummed-- still didn't buy it, but he moved on, "Are you still coming over?"

"I-- uh, I don't think so." Yuchan said, glancing at Donghun. Byeongkwan asked, "Why? Is something wrong?"

"No."

"You're lying to me."

"I'm fine. I'll come tomorrow, okay?"

"Fine. If you need to talk, I'm here."

"Thanks," Yuchan hung up quickly after that. He looked back at Donghun-- at the quirk of his eyebrow, the determination of his lips, the soft of his expression

and he knew he wouldn't regret staying home tonight.


End file.
